Finding Clarity

Therapists will tell you that when you suffer a loss you shouldn’t make any life changing decisions. As if death wasn’t life changing enough. I didn’t take that advice into consideration. I felt leaving my job of nearly fourteen years was justified, I was grieving and my perception of how I was treated in that […]

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Konnor’s Spirit

It started when I was a child. My Maternal Grandfather would sit me in his lap and speak of ghost stories as if they were fairy tales. His belief in the afterlife and the ability to come back in another form was so strong that long after I had forgotten the sound of his voice, […]

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Accepting the new Me

I wasn’t really paying attention. Yet, I could feel myself becoming frustrated over nothing, like a toddler who hadn’t napped and is on the verge of tears over every little thing. I was becoming overwhelmed and I couldn’t put my emotions in check. What the hell was wrong with me. Oh yeah, I’m still grieving. […]

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The Death of the Flowers

I was thinking of the poem “The Death of The Flowers” by William Cullen Bryant as I was driving to my daughter’s house on November 22nd. This poem was one of several that stayed with me after college, implanted in my memory for various reasons. I envisioned a field of dead flowers, a fresh fallen […]

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I think of You

When my mind begins to wake even before my eyes have a chance to glimpse the morning light, I think of you. When I’m driving in my car music gently playing to soothe my aching heart, I think of you. While I am shopping, although I know you’re no longer here with me physically, I always stop in the […]

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Cowboy Hats and Memories: Thoughts of My Dad

I’ve had many thoughts of my Dad this past year since losing Konnor. Although it may appear that I grieved harder for Konnor, I grieved just as much for my dad. I suppose when trying to describe my grief to those who couldn’t understand it, I would say I anticipated my father’s loss. I had […]

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The Eulogy

*My daughter asked me if I wanted to stand up and say something about Konnor at his wake. She said she just couldn’t do it, she was a wreck and understandably so. My first instinct was to scream, “I can’t! I’m an absolute mess, how could I stand in front of everyone and give a speech?” Despite my […]

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Angels From Snow Covered Highways

Just as the season begins to change so do I. Strange how the grieving process works. I looked forward to the end of the summer. The heat and the sun left me feeling exposed. October brings forth the chill of the fall, the kind of chill I can wrap myself up in. I believe grief takes time. But I also […]

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Into the Abyss: The Agony of Grieving on Your Own

By definition the word Abyss can mean “a deep or seemingly bottomless chasm” or “anything that appears to be endless, such as despair” But it can also be defined as “profound difference between people.” How accurate is the word Abyss to the word Grief by definition? Endless despair. Into suffering. Yet the inexplicable ending is […]

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The Shroud of Grief

As my family reluctantly recalls the events of November 22nd, we find it almost unbelievable that it had been nearly one year since we lost Konnor. For nine long months we have struggled to come to terms with his passing and to say it has been a long hard road is not even close to the truth. […]

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