I spoke of Konnor’s spirit in a previous blog and how his family believed he had come to visit them from time to time since his death.  I described in that blog how I had been told stories of the afterlife by my paternal grandfather and as a child I had not doubted what my grandfather had told me. After all, adults would not fill the heads of children with utter nonsense would they?

I had wanted to go to a medium for a while, in fact I had wanted to after my father had passed away but for reasons unknown to me I had put it off. It wasn’t until Konnor had died and the talk had started from my daughter that she actually seen him that I became more inclined. Further investigation found Konnor’s father had been feeling his presence for quite some time.

You can’t just fit the topic of the afterlife and seeking out a Medium into everyday conversation. This ventures into the territory of politics and religion. People have strong beliefs for or strong disbeliefs against the afterlife. I can tell you that the non-believers can put a damper on us believers. They can cast doubt within me even when I feel sure I believe. Time after time I have in desperation asked for proof that my grandson is at peace so that I can go on. I was given what I asked for. This cannot be coincidence, not so many times at just the right moments.

The Medium began the reading by explaining how the spirits come to her and so on. I would be free to ask questions and if I was not able to identify a spirit I could certainly move on from it as this was not uncommon. Sometimes it was discovered by family members later who or how this person fit in their life.

The first spirit to come through strangely enough was one I did not know. This older male had a Medal of Honor or a Purple Heart but even though both grandfathers had passed and one step-grandfather, none of them had served in the war. (I did find out later that my step-grandfather did serve so it was him that came through.)

My father then came through. He talked about how he was concerned for my mental health, that for the past year he felt me being overly stressed. He wanted me to go to a secluded house and rest. I wasn’t certain but I think he was trying to get me to go to Alabama where he was raised and some family remain. He also related through the medium that he knows I am stressing about a financial situation and he wants me to let it go because there is nothing I can do about it. “He’s an asshole,” the medium said. (I have been over-thinking about past due childsupport, more like obsessing.)  My Dad also thanked me for taking care of him while he was sick. He said, through the medium, that he hated the family to see him weakened like he was, that it was difficult for him. He also said he was sorry to me for the times he was mean to me. “He wasn’t mean to me.” The medium explained that my Dad had said there were times that he was not very nice to me and he wants to make it clear that he needs to say he’s sorry for that. I thought about it afterward and maybe he was referring to when he was sick with cancer but I don’t recall any times he was mean to me then either. Later, I realized there were times in my life my Dad was indifferent but it was long ago. I had forgotten, he didn’t.

A spirit entered of middle-aged woman whom I had no idea who it was. We let her pass. My Maternal Grandmother entered holding tulips in her backyard garden. I remember she had a very nice yard with a little winding brick path that lead to her garage. She had a short visit. She just wanted me to know that she knew of my writing and she said she thought I was good at it. She sees it helping people and by the end of the year she sees my writing getting big. Hmmm. Thanks Grandma.

Then she said the spirit of a young male with the letter “K” was coming through. I said, “yes he’s my grandson.” She asked if he had a history of depression or mental illness of some kind. I told her they once suspected he may have a mild form of autism. She said he was off in the corner as if he was afraid, unsure of her. Spirits usually tell a medium how they had passed, Konnor wouldn’t tell her and she said this was odd. I told her that it was probably because he didn’t know how he had passed.  She said she never came across anything like this before and she told me she felt like she would cry, then she asked the question I knew she couldn’t have known. She asked, “Did he come back?”

Not many people knew that when Konnor was in the emergency room his heart had stopped twice and the doctor had managed to get him to come back. What we didn’t know was he was in multi-organ failure and his body could not be saved.

She told me that Konnor was confused about what was happening to him when he passed. He didn’t want to go, he didn’t know what he was supposed to do next so he did nothing. He sat on his body. He watched everyone cry, he tried to get our attention, he screamed, he tried to make phones and electronics act up. ( In my previous blog I wrote that I suspected Konnor was here on Christmas when my son’s Xbox kept turning off for no apparent reason) He stayed by his mother and stroked her hair as she cried. He couldn’t leave because everyone was so upset.

The way the medium described Konnor was exactly how Konnor would have reacted to the situation he was in. I could picture him in my mind doing what she was saying he was doing. What was comforting for me to know was that time to me was not the time he was experiencing. The thought of him hanging around being scared of what was happening to him for three weeks terrified me. But my three weeks could be his three minutes.

My daughter would cry for weeks that she didn’t know where her son was until she heard my dad tell her “I got him” in a dream. She kept telling me she felt like he was in the dark. She didn’t know where he was. She couldn’t feel him. The medium said Konnor wandered around until my dad grabbed him and took him home. I find this amazing, unimaginable that my daughter was feeling her son was lost somewhere when in some strange way he was. Lost between worlds you could say. Their bond so strong she knew. The medium would tell me that my daughter had lost her son in a previous life, this is the second time she lost him and why their bond is so strong.

Konnor’s sign to his mother is that he will send her bunnies and butterfies. The medium said he likes to blow butterflies at her face. When I told my daughter this she said she had seen the butterflies but didn’t get the bunnies, “Bunnies? Konnor never liked bunnies, she said. But not five minutes later I got a call back. “Mom, I just remembered, after Konnor’s wake there were at least ten bunnies in the yard.”  Way to go Konnor.

During the reading I asking the medium why I hadn’t had any dreams of Konnor or any visions of him like the others have. “Your mind is too crowded, he can’t get in with so much in your head. Give him room.”

The next morning I was working at home with my computer at the kitchen table when out of the corner of my eye I saw something run pass my patio door. I got up to look and saw that it was a bunny. Not thinking anything of it I went back to what I was doing. A few minutes later I look up and on the deck in the snow is the bunny. It sits on my deck just looking at me, not moving, me looking at it, it looking at me. Now I get it. I smile. Good morning Konnor.