I was working at a local hospital on the covid unit. I had voiced concerns over issues that I felt affected patient care and discharges from the day I started. Nearly eighteen months later I was crying every day and surrendered to being on antidepressants. I began to look for a new job when I […]
My son called me in mid September. He couldn’t figure out why he was beginning to feel so sad. “It’s because of the er’s” I said. “The what? He asked.” “You know, September, October and November. The er’s, I replied. The months that remind us that Konnor left us.” Grief is similar to depression in […]
This year marks the five year anniversary of Konnor’s passing. As November creeps in I again begin to feel moody, emotional, tired. Death anniversaries force grievers to relive the events of the worst day of their lives. The loss already haunts us, the anniversary opens the wound. No matter how long ago it was the […]
It’s been a while since my last blog, I was feeling the need to write again. I feel like my mind has become healthier. I am putting to use what I have learned in therapy and what I have read. Old habits of negative thinking and dwelling on things I cannot control are no longer controlling […]
I was willing to do the work. I wanted to become self-aware of my own behaviors, and the workings within my own mind. I had come to realize my thinking behaviors specifically my own negativity had been an old habit.
This summer I was having lunch with a friend when I mentioned my son had attended his first gay pride parade. I cannot recall the whole context of the conversation but I do remember feeling the sting when I heard her say “they don’t have to rub it in our face.” Now this is my […]
Here it is again. The anniversary of his passing. Bittersweet November. The first snowfall I can’t help but think of Konnor, he passed the day after that first snowfall of 2015. A blizzard, then a stillness. A quiet I will never forget as I made my way to the hospital that dreadful day. The only […]
Four months ago I missed my granddaughters’ birthday party because I was in the ER with a severe case of vertigo. Because this wasn’t the first event I missed in the last three years my eldest daughter, Taryn, decided she had enough of me disappointing her and thus began a punishment of my being denied […]